Yep. I did. I dragged myself to a Onsie Pub Crawl downtown. I most definitely almost stood myself up on this date… 😊 I had my event ticket and my newly purchased onesie and I was going to bail out on this experience.
I had a bad attitude about it because, aside from it being an awkward solo onesie pub crawl, I was so tapped out for the week. Work had been EXTREMELY demanding, I had some really challenging parenting moments and some general loneliness and sadness. My heart was hurting because of my parenting struggle and I was pouting and feeling alone and spread too thin. I felt I would have zero capacity to be social and put sentences together with other humans.
This is exactly why I could not skip this date. The alternative to going on the pub crawl would have been staying home with Netflix and a sad attitude and that isn’t what I wanted for myself. I decided that I only had to commit to being there for an hour. If my attitude wasn’t lighter after that hour, I could leave and still say I gave it a try. 🙂
I had a BLAST! The fun started walking from my car to the first Pub #1. There wasn’t a onesie in sight and I had a brief moment where I felt like I could possibly be the only person who would ACTUALLY be there in a onesie. I walked that onesie like it was the hottest trend and EVERYONE should want to wear one. A restaurant patron tapped on the window and gave me a thumbs up. That thumbs up set the tone for me in a way.
Thankfully, the first bar was FULL of onsie-clad people. I picked a spot at the bar and struck up a conversation with a couple from Phoenix who came dressed in yellow “Breaking Bad” chemical suit onesies. They were fun people. I chatted with another person at the bar, until I finished my beer and then went on my way to Pub #2.
I was the first Onsie to show up at Pub #2. It was a dark, cool place that served as a cafe, bar and occasional art gallery. They were having an art show when I arrived. I later found out it was a Satanic Temple of Tucson art show…I guess that explains some of the pieces that I noticed as I walked through the art show to the bar…I actually really liked this place. The bar was dark and cozy, the bartender was great and they have a really nice patio in the back.
I spent my time here talking to a young guy who had just finished a hard day at work. Among other things, he is a writer/poet. Our conversation lead us out to the patio where he told me about himself. It’s been difficult for me to finish this blog post because of Pub #2 because I wasn’t sure how to write about it. I took a lot away from what I talked about with this person. He changed the filter for the lens through which I see things when it comes to making excuses for people. He has experienced a lot of real heartbreak and tragedy in his young life and I could tell he still really struggles with his grief and anger about the loved ones and loves that he has lost.
He’s a wounded soul who is afraid to let himself love anyone because all that he has loved he has lost in tragedy or betrayal. We talked about how he breaks hearts because he is broken and how, at times, he does it intentionally. He is a great writer and writes about all of these things in poetry, some of which he shared with me. His writing shows how aware he is of the things he is doing to break hearts. I have made excuses for people much older than him for doing similar things. I felt that if this young adult is so aware of his actions, than surely those for whom I’ve made excuses at twice his age must be aware as well.
As we talked and as I heard his writing, I could see he is a kind person and someone with a good heart and hope. I could see and hear that he didn’t want to be that guy that he was writing about. He’s breaking his own heart with the shame he’s poisoning himself with when he emotionally hurts people. I haven’t suffered the types of crushing loss that he has, but can understand from my own experiences how hard and even impossible it can be to make your heart available when you fear all it’s going to get is more beatings. I also understand that when people are hurt and angry it’s easy to lash out at the nearest target.
I’m not making excuses for the hurtful things this kid is doing and neither does he. He doesn’t want to be and isn’t the person that he writes about. Our conversation sounds like it was dark and heavy because of what I’ve written, but it didn’t feel that way at all. We laughed about things and when he talked about and shared his writing he shined. He’s in school studying in a field to help others. He’s a kid struggling with some hefty demons, but I think he’s strong and talented. I don’t want him to be tragic because he let’s his anger and shame demons drag him down. I want for him to make an epic life for himself by believing in his good heart, his talent and potential.
I was honored that this young person confided in me the way he did. Maybe it was my onesie attire that had the disarming effect allowing him to confide in me like a favorite aunt. I learned from him and am happy I met him. He reminds me of someone I once knew. I’m excited for this person and his talent and I hope he will try to make it as a writer. We each finished our beverage and parted ways, and I made my way to Pub #3.
Pub #3 was full of Onesies. I think most people skipped Pub #2 and came here instead. I spent my time at this place with a bunch of fire fighters and their wives and girlfriends. They invited me to tag along with them and treated me like I was a part of the “family”. This was a really fun group of friends. I had a lot of laughs with them and really enjoyed hanging out with them.
I finished off the night with this group. We left Pub #3 for a quick bite to eat and made our way back to Pub #1 because the event after party had started. I ran into the “Breaking Bad” couple as soon as we arrived. This seemed perfect because I was ready to head home and I was happy to be able to end the evening seeing them, since they were the ones who kicked it off for me. I said good night to them and to my Fire Fighter friends and called it a night by about 9pm. I had to get up bright and early the next morning for an 8 mile trail run and I didn’t want to suffer through it.
I’m so happy I decided to follow through with this thing. I had so much fun, met some great people and learned some things from someone half my age. I really enjoy going out with my friends and family, but I’m also really starting to enjoy the very different experience of going out solo. When you’re out with your friends and family you’re very much in your own world with them. When you go out by yourself, you get to participate in little chunks of new worlds. 🙂
Until next time! 2 down, 48 to go!!